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Title: Handful
Author: Ayana Pairing: Jared/Shannon
Rating: NC-17 overall
Disclaimer: I own nothing and I tell lies.
Warning(s): Incest, Sex, Self Cutting, Drug Use, angst, swearing
Beta: None :( If anyone feels like it ...
1. Pick a character, pairing, or fandom you like.
2. Turn on your music player and put it on random/shuffle.
3. Write a drabble related to each song that plays. You only have the time frame of the song to finish the drabble; you start when the song starts, and stop when it's over. No lingering afterwards!
4. Do ten of these, then post them.
Jeunesse lève toi - Damien Saez
I can see him from behind my drums, he's energetic tonight. He keeps jumping from one side of the stage to the other, flying with his guitar attached to his neck. He always manages to get to his mike in time for the lyrics, and that amazes me. And he sings, and his voice resonates into the room, carrying his message.
He is a messenger. He sings with a forceful want to release the light upon all of them, who have gathered here to ear his voice. He hardly slept last night, but he hardly lives anyway. It's like a competition : he's fighting himself. He's throwing himself away for his search. And the search continues, always.
He scares me sometimes, he seems to be about to fall, about to fail. But then again, he will never give up. He's the artistic one, definitely. He has his wisdom, his wit. He does not lack perception or imagination. He's one of the greatest artists. But he scares me : he tends to forgot to live. He's the one who always gives but never asks in return.
Understanding (wash it all away) – Evanescence
It's human, you cannot help it. If something hurts, you try to forget about it. You try to erase it from your memory. You make yourself believe it never happened, because it kills you to know it did happen.
« We're brothers. »
« So ? It never stopped you before. »
« It's sick. »
« Love is sick ? »
You need him. You need him so bad. You still can't believe he's gone, because you didn't see it coming before. But it's just the way it is, he's fucking gone. For ever. You chuckle, because the fact that he may actually be gone for ever seems so unbelievable.
You wish you could only be mad at him, you wish you could hate him. But you can't. Your love for him keeps growing, your love doesn't mind the pain and the fear of being left alone. Your love still sees him as the chosen one, the one and only. Your brother, your best friend, your lover. He was everything for you, and left you heartbroken in so many ways. You can't cry on your brother's shoulder, you can't ask your best friend to cheer you up, you can't seek comfort into your lover's bed.
« You're not alone honey, never. Never. »
A broken promise. You're more alone than ever.
And you try, somehow, to keep on living without him. You desperately try to forget everything that happened between you and him. But it's hopeless, you can't wash it all away. There's always something to remember you of him. When you wake up crying at night, you seek his warmth in the bed. When you take your shower, you still expect to feel strong arms around your waist at any second. And you smile ... and then freeze, because it was just a dream, he's not there, he's gone and he's not back.
You remember the time you used to lie beside him at night. You remember the feeling of his skin under your fingers, you remember its taste too. You can still hear his soft laughter. You can still hear him breathe and moan. It's there, everywhere around you. His groans fill the space, the air is full of his voice. There's his blood in your veins, his body in your memories, and a little piece of him in your heart. You cannot hate him.
« Please don't hate me Jared ... because I'll die if you do. »
He asked you not to.
It's no Good - Depeche Mode
« Please Jay ... stop teasing me. »
No way. He's not going to hurry. He's going to make it last. His eyes locked onto his brothers', he slowly begins to remove his shirt, his fingers lingering on the flawless skin of his chest. Shannon moans. Good.
He still dances of course. Very, very, very smoothly. The room is dark, maybe too much. No, in fact it's absolutely perfect : he can see Shannon's eyes shine in the darkness, and that's good because it means that Shannon can see the lust in his own eyes. Jared smiles, satisfied : everything's under control.
His hips still moving to the music, he unbuttons his pants and takes them off, taking all his time. He's all ears, only to hear Shannon swallow heavily. He can tell it's going to be a great night.
« Jared, you're being cruel ... but fuck, I love you so much. »
The blue-eyed man suddenly jumps onto his brother's lap, sitting on his now hardening crotch.
« Don't say you love me ... Don't say you want me ... »
He slightly presses his palm to his cock and Shannon is now a hissing mess. Leaning forward, Jared whispers into his ear :
« It's understood ... »
Television - Daft Punk
« Jared, you are the frontman, the singer, the songwriter, the main composer ... how does it feel to have so many responsibilities ? »
Here we go again. And she's looking at me with a fake smile across her face, waiting for my answer like if I were the messiah or something. Stupid journalists.
« I'm not actually alone, we're a BAND. »
She giggles.
« Of course, of course ... there's Tom and Stanley with you. But still, you know what I mean, right ? »
Stanley ? Who the fuck is Stanley ?
« I'm afraid I really don't. »
Okay, she just giggled again. That's it, I'm out of here.
She's embarrassed now, she switches to another question.
« You even directed the music videos of the band ... do you like to videotape your friends and family ? »
What question is that ? I never videotape my fam ... wait, I've just had the greatest idea ever.
OoOoO
« Hey Jared baby, how was the interv... ? »
I did not let Shannon finish his sentence. Now we're kissing like there's no tomorrow. I can feel his arms around my waist and I tighten my grip on his hair, moaning against his mouth. Our lips part and Shannon is now tongue-fucking me and it feels oh so good. Soon, our need for air is too strong, and we need to break the kiss.
« You're on fire toni... Jared ? What's with the video camera ? »
I grin from ear to ear.
« Fancy a little porn ? »
Breathe me - Sia
I think I'm lost again. I've done it again, and there's blood on the white floor. I'm so weak without you. It itches around the cut, I want to scratch it but there'll be even more red on my hands, and I can't. It's bad, I know it, I just can't help it. I'm so weak and lonely.
It hurts, but it feels good somehow because I can explain that pain : I'm wounded, so I'm hurting, nothing more. The hole in my heart, I cannot explain. But it hurts so badly, even more than that cut. There's no blood, no mark but it won't scar, and I don't know why.
I need you. I want you to take me in your arms, I want to bury my face in your shoulder, I want to cry there, fisting your shirt. I want you to be my friend and tell me everything is going to be okay. I want you to warm me up, I want you to help me find myself again.
I lost myself (I think you left taking it with you).
Hallelujah - Jeff Buckley
I can't sleep, I don't know why. I've been to the kitchen to drink some milk but it made me nauseous. And now I'm back in my room. Our room. You're there, sleeping in the large bed, your beautiful face softened by the dim light of the moon. You snore softly, so softly it actually makes you look cute. I chuckle because I think you're cute all the time anyway.
Seeing your naked body reminds me of our night and I don't know if I want to blush or do it again. I can still picture your face when you came. I can see your blue eyes widen, I can ear your moans grow louder, I can feel you tighten around me and then ... every breath we drew was hallelujah.
Slowly, I sit by your side on the mattress and lean forward to your face. I brush my lips across your cheek and whisper in your ear :
« Do you remember when I moved in you ? »
37 mm - AFI
I know it's wrong. I know we're not supposed to do that, I perfectly know I'm not supposed to let my big brother fuck me. There are things I know, and things I need.
Everytime he pushes me against a wall to crash his lips on mine, I think about how sick it is. Everytime his hand strokes my hard cock, I think about how sick it is. Even when I'm sucking him off, I think about how sick it is. But I don't think it's sick, I can't find it sick. I should probably be disgusted, but I'm not. Never.
It feels right. It's something I need, something I want deeply. Press me to your lips Shannon, and I'll suck the poison out. I'll take your sins into me. Your sins into me.
« We're one. »
« We're no one. »
I need him.
Teardrop - Massive Attack
He looks at him. No, he stares at him. He stares at his body, craving for it. He can see him talking to Tomo, laughing at what he says. He's so beautiful when he laughs : he always throws his head backwards, and the only thing Tim can see is his perfect throat. He immediately wants to kiss it, to bite it, to press his lips to it until Jared is marked as his forever.
He's struggling not to do it, it would be inappropriate. Besides, Jared would freak out. It's definitely not a good idea, but it remains a wonderful fantasy. Tim smiles slightly : he wonders what it would be like to be with Jared, to be Jared's boyfriend. He's so passionate about everything he does, he must be good in bed. And his lips ... he has to be a fantastic kisser. He's Jared Leto, right ? It's not like he could suck at anything.
Tim would like to be with him. He would like to wake up in the morning knowing he's not alone, knowing he has someone special for him. He would like to mean something to Jared too. And Tim dreams ... the two of them, under the sunlight, kissing. Hugging. Making love, eventually. Tim sighs, because he thinks about how wonderful it would be to have such a beautiful man for himself. He wouldn't even need to boast, he could just walk in the street his arm around Jared's waist and everyone would look at him with jealousy. But Jared would only see him, he would grin madly at him and his smile would lighten his face and ...
Shannon just came in. Jared's grinning madly and the smile lightens his face. He jumps in his brothers' arms and kisses him without any hesitation. He's not happy, he's even worse than that.
« You're coming, Timmy ? »
« Be right back. »
One teardrop, only one.
You and me and the Devil makes 3 - Marilyn Manson
« I'm warning you, if you get in bed with me, you'll fall in love. »
« You're on. »
He was not expecting me to answer seriously. He seems a little surprise and searches my face for confirmation. Seeing that I'm not joking, he comes closer. A few seconds later, I'm on the bed laying under him and our mouths are crashed together. I run my fingers on his back while he's already trying to get under my shirt. The heat is incredible, and I feel myself getting crazy. I want his hot and naked body against mine, I moan for it and finally manage to say it.
Our clothes are soon scattered across the floor and I don't understand how he managed to get my pants off without me even noticing. We're still kissing, it's everything but tender, it's harsh and brutal, but it's good and I moan in his mouth when I feel his hard cock brush against mine. Obviously satisfied, he presses his hips into mines and I almost shout. He chuckles.
« Stop laughing you asshole, and fuck me properly. »
He leans forward and leaves a trail of bites and kisses in my neck. Suddenly, he's biting my earlobe hard and I find myself enjoying it a lot. I can feel his sticky breathe against my skin and it makes me shudder. And then he whispers :
« There's not a word for what I wanna do to you. »
Running up that hill - Placebo
« It doesn't hurt you know ? It makes me feel good. You're just jealous because you'd like to know what it is. You're hurt because this is something I do on my own, something I do without you. »
« You're being ridiculous. I only want to protect you. If I could, I'd swap places with you, I'd rather be the one destroying myself. »
« You're so nice with me. »
He kisses him on his right cheek, then on his left cheek.
« So nice with me big brother ... but you don't have to protect me from everything. »
Shannon takes Jared's lips in a chaste kiss.
« You and me wouldn't be unhappy if we tried Jared ... if you tried. Come on baby, come on darling. Let me help you. Come on angel, you don't need that to feel right. I can make you feel right. »
Jared chuckles softly, his forehead is hot and his pupils are dilated.
« You already make me feel right Shann ... You just have to understand, that it does not hurt me. »
« If I only could make a deal with God and get him to swap our places ... »
« But we both matter baby ... »
He kisses him lightly.
« We both matter ... don't we ? »
He smiles sadly, turns around and goes away.
So much hate for the ones we love ? |
